Proverbs 31:10-12

10 Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.

12 She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.

In a 2019 article in Vanity Fair magazine, Laura Bradley determined that there was one issue that could seemingly unite a divided America: 

We are living, the conventional wisdom goes, in particularly divisive times. Each day it can seem harder to think about things upon which Americans can really all agree—whether it be politics or which Star Wars sequels are good and which supposedly ruined the franchise forever. But countrymen, I do believe we have found one cause behind which all can rally: Nobody wants a Princess Bride remake.

Indeed. “The Princess Bride” is one of those films that seems to check all the boxes that satisfy both audiences and movie critics alike. Actor Cary Elwes, who played the character “Westley,” quipped upon hearing the news, “There’s a shortage of perfect movies in this world. It would be a pity to damage this one.”

When “The Princess Bride” hit the big screen in 1987 it was a modest success, but quickly grew in popularity to hold an unprecedented 96% favorability rating among movie critics and moviegoers.

Containing no foul language or sex, and a few scenes of violence that vary from comical to comeuppance, “The Princess Bride” has lasted through the decades as a rare film that can appeal to all ages.

Even better, from the start “The Princess Bride” was an ideal “date movie.” The appeal of the blonde, fresh-faced beauty of Robin Wright as “Buttercup” gave the impression of attainable love, while the handsome, dashing (and also blonde) good looks of Cary Elwes “Westley” seemed to make every young lady’s heart flutter as he looked into the camera and whispered his eternal pledge of love: “As you wish.” 

(By the way, Elwes is probably the only actor to successfully pull off the pencil thin mustache since the days of Clark Gable.)

“The Princess Bride” is a “frame tale,” a story within a story, and begins with Peter Falk reading the movie’s plot as a fantasy adventure to his sick grandson. (Imagine, if you will, having Columbo for a grandfather and you get the drift.) There is a pirate, an evil prince, sword fights, a giant, a Spaniard, a scheming Sicilian, and a six-fingered man. “The Princess Bride” has it all.

Most importantly, “The Princess Bride”  is a love story. It is a love story between Westley and Buttercup, and a grandfather and grandson. From the opening scenes when the sparks of romance first fly between Westley and Buttercup, to his relentless pursuit of her across a landscape of perils to save her from an evil prince, the story is one of devotion and true love with someone worth pursuing to the ends of the earth.

Such an image of love and devotion is found in Proverbs chapter 31. Here, in the collected writings of King Lemuel, Solomon has assembled a picture of “the virtuous wife.” Verses ten through thirty-one paint the picture of a godly spouse that for many appears to be super-human.

This chapter has been held up as both a model for Christian womanhood, and as the ideal of the domestic goddess. A man can read Proverbs 31 and consider what he must look for in a wife. A woman can read it and feel either overwhelmed at the expectations—or invigorated by the image of liberty that is portrayed as the virtuous wife manages her household.

But “The Virtuous Wife” of Proverbs 31 is far more than a “Mrs Manners” of the Ancient Near East, it is a portrayal of something eternal and far deeper and applies to everyone. In these verses is found an image of Christ’s love for the church, and the valiant ideal of the Bride of Christ.

The portrait of “The Virtuous Wife” is found in three sections in the chapter. The first three verses (10-12) show her value and worth. The middle section (13-27) describes her activities, and the passage concludes (verse 28-31) with her praise. Let’s begin:  

10 Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.–Proverbs 31:10

The Hebrew here paints a beautiful and startling picture of a godly wife. Far from being a woman who is “mousy” or silent, you see an image of bold feminine beauty. The translation of “virtuous” often seems to denote demure chastity to the western reader, but the words used are far more descriptive than that.

The Hebrew here is חַ֭יִל אֵֽשֶׁת־ (“esset hayil”), literally, a “valiant wife.” To be valiant is to exude “competent strength,” as one commentator describes. The godly wife is not kept in a gilded cage, nor is she a mere fixture in her house—she is a woman to contend with, and one who contends with every aspect of the world and her role in it.

Instances of the use of this phrase are found in many other books of the Bible, including the book of Ruth, another old example of “wisdom literature.” 

Tim Keller describes her in that  “her husband entrusts his value to her.” As Ruth boldly confronts Boaz with her proposal of marriage, he acknowledges not only her virtuousness, but he has seen her fortitude and resourcefulness as she worked in his fields and in her care for her mother-in-law, Naomi:

11 And now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you all that you request, for all the people of my town know that you are a virtuous woman.–Ruth 3:11

The effect of a young man reading Ruth is the same that stirs his heart when he reads Proverbs 31: this woman is special, she belongs to a select group and is worthy of pursuing as a wife. Likewise, as a woman finds a role model in Ruth, she is reminded by these passages in Proverbs that her calling is higher than what a sinful world expects of her.

She is “worth is far above rubies.” In the Ancient Near East a bridegroom was expected to pay a “bride price” in cattle, gold, or other valuables to the father or family of his bride. Here, the godly wife is worth fare more than that, and even more than precious jewels. She is a gift from God and is to be sought after by diligent prayer.

Do you and your spouse live on such a level of trust as the image here presents? As a wife, are you someone whom your husband can “entrust value” to? As a husband, are you trustworthy enough to do so? There is a level of sharing among spouses that goes far beyond bedroom intimacy or routine familiarity. Far deeper than mere friendship is the level of true vulnerability that is shared. Does your marriage foster such an environment of honesty and safety? Look at verse 11:

11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.–Proverbs 31:11

When trust in a marriage is broken either through abuse, lies, or simply cold-hearted selfishness, then it can be very difficult to restore. Too many marriages simply “let time heal the wounds,” but there is no statute of limitations on sin. 

No, it takes immense patience, humility, and sacrificial love to make such reconciliation possible. The image in this passage, then, is one that reflects God’s relationship to His people. 

Compare her with Gomer, the “wife of harlotry” that God commands the prophet Hosea to marry (Hosea 1:2) as an example of His faithless people who have turned to idolatry.

Instead, the “valiant wife” who is faithful will be a blessing to her husband, and “he will have no lack of gain.” The phrase here is one that means “spoils of war.” In other words, a godly wife will not only be one of intimate trust and value, she will win for her husband prestige, honor, and earthly gain. 

From the exclusivity of their joyful marriage bed, to domestic prosperity, to her charm and generosity, the husband of a godly wife considers himself “wealthy” far beyond any earthly account. 

Are you finding it difficult to compare yourself to this woman? Do you look at your wife and wonder where you went wrong? These passages are not meant to spark bitterness or disappointment, or to inflate expectations beyond the personal limits of an already hard-working wife and mother. 

Like pausing at a mountain overlook and viewing the blue waves of ridges stretching to the horizon, God is showing you possibilities in Him and a means of perspective to lift your heart higher than you thought possible. Look at verse 12: 

12 She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.–Proverbs 31:12

There is an intentional and deliberate effort to live for a higher calling, one that  contrasts with the “evil intentions” of a selfish, impossible to please worldly ideal. A godly spouse will seek to love selflessly, forgiving faults, and practicing grace to a partner who is also a sinner. 

More than simply “doing no harm” the valiant wife actively seeks goodness for her spouse. It may be notes in a lunch box, a thoughtful gift, or simply forgiving foolishness, but in her mind is his prosperity and promotion. And, as Proverbs always implies where the sexes are concerned, it is implied that her husband will be doing the same for her. 

Not only will he praise her, her value will also be seen in her righteous activities, praise from others and from God, as we will see as this passage continues.

When you see the image of this godly “wonder woman,” you will do yourself a disservice if you only stop at the obvious actions of this domestic goddess. For in her is a picture of the object of love upon whom Christ has set His heart: the church.

Jesus spoke often and extensively about His pursuit of the church as her bridegroom: 

29 He who has the bride is the bridegroom; but the friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice. Therefore this joy of mine is fulfilled.–John 3:29

Paul, as he sought to instruct the young church in righteousness saw his duty to prepare her as Christ’s bride. Urging Christian wives to be godly and husbands to be selflessly loving as Jesus: 

26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.–Ephesians 5:26-27 

To his thrilled and bewildered converts, Paul could only say that this was a wonderful mystery, “but I speak concerning Christ and the church.” (Ephesians 5:32)

As a part of the church, as the object of Jesus’s love, do you seek to be “valiant?” Are you bold in your love for Him, seeking His glory alone in your devoted love? It is all too easy to just feel like a number in a crowd when you sit in the congregation. Perhaps you like to scoot out early or hold back from the “fake” pleasantries of your fellow parishioners. Here in Proverbs is the call for you to boldly love your savior and His people, seeking prosperity and praise for Him and for them! For you are sought by Christ to be His own, as the old hymn sings:

The Church’s one foundation
Is Jesus Christ her Lord;
She is His new creation 
By water and the Word:
From heav’n He came and sought her
To be His holy Bride;
With His own blood He bought her,
And for her life He died

And when you call out to Him to love and to lead you, Christ will look at you and say, “As you wish.” 

The Monday—Friday DEEPs are written by Mike Slay and this Saturday Deep is written by Matt Richardson. To subscribe to all the DEEPs click here:

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Except as indicated, Scripture taken from the New King James Version. © Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. ESV stands for the English Standard Version. © Copyright 2001 by Crossway. Used by permission. All rights reserved. NIV stands for The Holy Bible, New International Version®. © Copyright 1973 by International Bible Society. Used by permission. All rights reserved. KJV stands for the King James Version.