Proverbs 31:1-5
1 The words of King Lemuel, the utterance which his mother taught him:
2 What, my son?
And what, son of my womb?
And what, son of my vows?
3 Do not give your strength to women,
Nor your ways to that which destroys kings.
4 It is not for kings, O Lemuel,
It is not for kings to drink wine,
Nor for princes intoxicating drink;
5 Lest they drink and forget the law,
And pervert the justice of all the afflicted.
You know them well: he is an overworked, overweight, blowhard bus driver. She is a petite housewife with a sharp mind and an even sharper tongue. They are Ralph and Alice Kramden and they are the forever sparring, always loving husband and wife of “The Honeymooners.”
“The Honeymooners” aired from 1955 to 1956 on CBS and was one of the first television shows to portray a working class married couple in a non-idyllic, gritty style.
The show was set almost entirely in the kitchen of the Kramden’s run down Brooklyn apartment. Each episode featured the resentful Ralph hatching get-rich quick schemes with his neighbor and friend Ed Norton, while the ever-vigilant Alice routinely shot them down.
Ralph Kramden was played by the multi-talented Jackie Gleason and the show was based on a comedy routine from Gleason’s variety show. Airing only 39 episodes in its first and only season, “The Honeymooners” nevertheless proved to be iconic in many ways, including inspiring character tropes later found in “The Flintstones,” “The Simpsons” and many other TV shows.
The easily-frustrated, hot-headed Ralph Kramden was known for several catchphrases, including his threatening, “Bang! Zoom! To the moon, Alice!” And, “A man’s home is his castle…you’re the peasant I’m the king!” [Watch a hilarious clip of this from a classic episode HERE]
“The Honeymooners” has been easily criticized in later years for its frank portrayal of the “battle of the sexes,” women’s rights, and the role of men and women in society. However, beneath Ralph’s bluster was a soft-hearted man who dearly loved his clever wife, and beneath Alice’s tough facade was deep affection for her man-child husband.
Though not an initial success, “The Honeymooners” nevertheless tapped a deep vein of our cultural heart in its voicing of many frustrations that viewers felt. The struggle for a husband to provide for his family and the delicate balancing act of a wife who worked to maintain her home.
Do you feel these same pressures today in your life? Are you a leader of others, be it at work, in your church, or in your own family? If so, you doubtless have felt some of the same frustrations of Ralph and Alice. Whether you are dealing with the opposite sex or running a business, God’s wisdom is there for you for thoughtful application. Here in Proverbs 31, Solomon provides instruction:
1 The words of King Lemuel, the utterance which his mother taught him:–Proverbs 31:1
“King Lemuel” here is likely not an Israelite king. It is possible that he is simply one of many kings who may have reigned before or during Solomon’s time in the Ancient Near East. It is also possible that “Lemuel” is a pseudonym of some other ancient nobleman. No matter, Solomon has included wisdom recorded by him that will not only paint a picture of a godly leader, but also pair with the last half of Proverbs 31: the portrait of a godly wife.
In the verse 1 superscript, “Lemuel” is taught by his mother. As we have learned previously, this is not uncommon, for although Proverbs is male-centered with wisdom often addressed to “my son” and “a king,” there was an expectation that godly mothers would share in the instruction of their children in wisdom (Proverbs 1:8).
Lemuel’s mother bids her son (and you and me) to give heed to her words:
2 What, my son?
And what, son of my womb?
And what, son of my vows?–Proverbs 31:2
In verse 2 Lemuel’s mother reminds him of her role as the one who bore him in her womb. It is likely that every mom has made this threat to call her child to attention to some important matter—perhaps even your own mother! It may have gone something like this:
“Don’t forget that I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!”
Here, Lemuel’s mother repeats “and what” literally meaning “listen to me.” Her reference to him as “son of her vows” is reminiscent of Hannah, the mother of the prophet Samuel, whom she dedicated to the Lord:
11 Then she made a vow and said, “O Lord of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, and not forget Your maidservant, but will give Your maidservant a male child, then I will give him to the Lord all the days of his life, and no razor shall come upon his head.”–I Samuel 1:11
Like Hannah, long ago she dedicated Lemuel to learn God’s wisdom, and with the following words, she intends to lay some on him:
3 Do not give your strength to women,
Nor your ways to that which destroys kings.–Proverbs 31:3
Here, she cautions Lemuel against fornication. Now, this is nothing special, for many proverbs already taught by Solomon regard the dangers of lust, prostitution, and adultery. Dame Folly, a recurring character in Proverbs is the personification of the opposite of godly wisdom—which is likewise often portrayed as a wise and beautiful woman.
No, here she is onto something far greater. In her royal instructions, King Lemuel’s mother is reminding him that as a king—as a leader of others—her son must maintain a higher standard. The reference to “strength” and “your ways” indicate not only dynastic responsibility, but also the moral obligation of upholding righteousness before a nation.
King Lemuel’s mother is exhorting her son to practice the wisdom of self-control.
A wise leader must maintain a high personal standard of behavior not just as an example to his people, but also as the bearer of righteousness on their behalf. Not only that, to be able to make wise decisions that may affect the lives of thousands or millions of subjects, a strong and focused heart and mind is required.
This is true of a general on a battlefield or a mother or father leading a family. Lemuel’s mother continues in verse 4 with a different warning:
4 It is not for kings, O Lemuel,
It is not for kings to drink wine,
Nor for princes intoxicating drink;–Proverbs 31:4
Like her caution against fornication, Lemuel’s mother warns him against drunkenness. Wine is not only good and a staple of ancient life, over-indulgence can lead to debauchery, just as the apostle Paul instructs:
18 And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit–Ephesians 5:18
Just as lack of self-control over his lust led David to sin with Bathsheba, so Samson in his marriage to the idolatrous Delilah led to his participation in a week-long drinking party (Judges 14:10) and the breaking of his Nazarite vow.
As a godly leader of your church, office, or household, you must be set apart by the practice of godly self-control.
Sir John Keegan, a British historian and writer, sums this up in the conclusion of his notable work, “The Mask of Command:”
Mankind, if it is to survive, must choose its leaders by the test of their intellectuality; and, contrarily, leadership must justify itself by its detachment, moderation and power of analysis.–John Keegan
Due to his level of responsibility, a leader is often lonely, for he or she often cannot afford the luxury of an emotional breakdown or an impulsive decision. Instead, judgements and information must be weighed carefully—and personal comfort and even safety is often forfeit.
This need for this is revealed in the last part of the instruction by Lemuel’s mother:
5 Lest they drink and forget the law,
And pervert the justice of all the afflicted.–Proverbs 31:5
By practicing self control in a world that lives only for itself, you will serve to preserve justice for those in need. A selfish leader that is given to accepting bribes, philandering, and the excesses of food and drink will inevitably compromise the safety of those who depend on them.
An alcoholic parent will spend up paychecks. A cheating pastor will break apart his church and his family bonds. A greedy wife will live in bitterness for material things that she does not have.
Sun Tzu, the 5th century Chinese general captures this in his classic work, “The Art of War:”
The consummate leader cultivates the moral law, and strictly adheres to method and discipline; thus it is in his power to control success.–Sun Tzu, “The Art of War”
A loving leader receives love from his subjects. Love begets love. Have you experienced the coldness of the modern business world? Companies are quick to say “we care for our employees” but the grow-or-die, and hire-and-fire attitude that may be good for business is always bad for employees. As a leader, you must be giving, often at your own expense—and always cautious of taking from those who depend on you.
There is an excellent exchange in the HBO WWII miniseries “Band of Brothers.” A new officer is cautioned by his superior against gambling with the enlisted men who fight under him:
Richard Winters: You know why they volunteered? Because they knew that the man in the foxhole next to them would be the best, not some draftee who's going to get them killed.
Buck Compton: Are you ticked because they like me? Because I'm spending time to get to know my soldiers? I mean, c'mon, you've been with them for two years? I've been here for six days.
Winters: You were gambling, Buck.
Compton: So what? Soldiers do that. I don't deserve a reprimand for it.
Winters: What if you'd won?
Compton: What?
Winters: Never put yourself in a position to take from these men.
Have you ever had someone in authority take from you? Maybe they took money, or maybe they simply took the glory for your own hard work. Jesus commands us to live out His law of love as he commands us in John 13:34-35. He continually battled against the Scribes and Pharisees who imposed harsh requirements on God’s people and lived well at their expense:
4 For they bind heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers. 5 But all their works they do to be seen by men. They make their phylacteries broad and enlarge the borders of their garments. 6 They love the best places at feasts, the best seats in the synagogues, 7 greetings in the marketplaces, and to be called by men, ‘Rabbi, Rabbi.’–Matthew 23:4-7
In contrast to the “woes” that Jesus proclaims on them, He provides the key for you and me to live in godly wisdom and the picture of true leadership:
11 But he who is greatest among you shall be your servant. 12 And whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.–Matthew 23:11-12
Christ is fulfilling the image of the good shepherd of the psalms and in doing so tells you and I how we must live by His example:
72 So he shepherded them according to the integrity of his heart,
And guided them by the skillfulness of his hands.–Psalm 78:72
Whether as a mother or father, business owner or bible study leader, you and I must never forget that the people whom God has given us authority over belong to Him. Be they your children, trusting employees or members of your church, God has placed you in your position to glorify Him—for they were bought with a price:
28 Therefore take heed to yourselves and to all the flock, among which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to shepherd the church of God which He purchased with His own blood.–Acts 20:28
It is lonely at the top. Leadership can be difficult, but in Christ you can live out His love and through self control bring Him glory, honor, and praise.
The Monday—Friday DEEPs are written by Mike Slay and this Saturday Deep is written by Matt Richardson. To subscribe to all the DEEPs click here:
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The weekly study guides, which include the Monday–Friday devotionals plus related questions for discussion or meditation, are available for download here:
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Except as indicated, Scripture taken from the New King James Version. © Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. ESV stands for the English Standard Version. © Copyright 2001 by Crossway. Used by permission. All rights reserved. NIV stands for The Holy Bible, New International Version®. © Copyright 1973 by International Bible Society. Used by permission. All rights reserved. KJV stands for the King James Version.
