Introduction

In Colossians 3:18-4:1, the Apostle Paul provides a framework for Christian relationships within the household and workplace. This passage, often referred to as the “household code,” outlines God’s design for order and harmony in our most intimate spheres of life.

Paul begins by addressing wives: “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (Col. 3:18). This call to submission echoes the divine order established in creation and reaffirmed throughout Scripture. However, it’s crucial to understand that this submission is not rooted in inferiority but in the mystery of Christ and the Church (Eph. 5:32). As the 19th-century hymn writer, Cecil Frances Alexander, beautifully expressed in “Jesus Calls Us”:

Jesus calls us from the worship
Of the vain world’s golden store,
From each idol that would keep us,
Saying, ‘Christian, love me more.’

This submission is a voluntary act of love and respect, mirroring the Church’s relationship with Christ. In fact, according to the New Testament scholar, Douglas Moo, “Paul’s household code in Colossians doesn’t merely affirm the status quo of ancient society. Rather, it radically reorients all relationships around the lordship of Christ, calling for mutual submission, sacrificial love, and recognition of ultimate accountability to God. This transforms even the most mundane aspects of daily life into opportunities for spiritual formation and witness.”

Moving to husbands, Paul exhorts: “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them” (Col. 3:19). This command reflects Christ’s sacrificial love for the Church (Eph. 5:25). The Greek philosopher Aristotle once said, “The male is by nature superior, and the female inferior,” but Paul's teaching stands in stark contrast, elevating the status of women in a patriarchal society.

Paul then addresses children: “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord” (Col. 3:20). This command echoes the fifth commandment (Ex. 20:12) and underscores the importance of family structure in God’s design. As the great reformer Martin Luther noted, “There is no power on earth that is nobler or greater than that of parents.”

To fathers, Paul writes: “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged” (Col. 3:21). This admonition reveals God’s heart for nurturing and protecting the vulnerable. It calls to mind the tender imagery of Psalm 103:13: “As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.”

Turning to the workplace, Paul addresses slaves (or employees in our context): “Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord” (Col. 3:22). This instruction elevates all work to an act of worship, reminding us of one of my favorite poets, George Herbert’s poetic insight: “Who sweeps a room as for Thy laws, makes that and th’ action fine.”

Paul concludes by addressing masters (or employers): “Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven” (Col. 4:1). This revolutionary teaching subverts the power dynamics of the ancient world, pointing to the ultimate authority of God over all. Throughout this passage, we see a consistent theme of mutual submission and respect, all rooted in our relationship with Christ.

Key Principles

1.      Godly relationships are characterized by mutual submission and selfless love. This applies to marriages, families, and workplaces, reflecting our submission to Christ.

2.      Our earthly roles and responsibilities are opportunities to serve and glorify God. How we treat others in our various relationships is a direct reflection of our relationship with Christ.

3.      True Christian living involves a radical reorientation of our priorities and behaviors. We are called to live not for ourselves, but for Christ and others, in every sphere of life.

Bible Study Questions

1.      How does Paul’s instruction to wives in Colossians 3:18 compare with his teaching in Ephesians 5:22-24?

2.      What does Paul mean when he tells husbands not to be “harsh” with their wives (Col. 3:19)? How does this relate to 1 Peter 3:7?

3.      Why does Paul specifically mention that children obeying parents “pleases the Lord” (v. 20)?

4.      How does the command to fathers in Colossians 3:21 relate to Ephesians 6:4?

5.      What does Paul mean by “eye-service” and “people-pleasing” in Colossians 3:22? 

6.      How does the instruction to work “heartily, as for the Lord” (v. 23) change our perspective on daily tasks?

7.      What does Paul mean when he says that anyone who does wrong “will receive back for the wrong he has done” (v. 25)?

8.      How does Paul’s instruction to masters in Colossians 4:1 compare with his teaching in Ephesians 6:9?

9.      How does the reminder that masters also have “a Master in heaven” (Col. 4:1) relate to Jesus’ parable in Matthew 18:23-35?

10.   How does this passage as a whole relate to Paul’s earlier exhortation in Colossians 3:17?

Questions for Discussion and Personal Reflection

1.      How can wives submit to their husbands “as is fitting in the Lord” while maintaining their identity in Christ?

2.      In what ways can husbands practically demonstrate sacrificial love for their wives in today’s culture?

3.      How can parents balance discipline and encouragement to avoid discouraging their children?

4.      How might Paul’s instructions to slaves and masters apply to modern employer-employee relationships?

5.      In what ways do you struggle with “eye-service” or being a “people-pleaser” in your work or daily life?

6.      How can viewing your work as service to Christ change your attitude toward difficult tasks or challenging coworkers? 

7.      What does it mean to you personally to do everything “heartily, as for the Lord and not for men” (v. 23)?

8.      How does the reality of God’s impartial judgment (v. 25) influence your actions in your various roles? 

9.      In what areas of your life do you find it most challenging to submit to authority? How does this passage address that struggle?

10.   How can you cultivate a deeper awareness of serving Christ in your everyday relationships and responsibilities?

Action Steps

1.      Conduct a “relationship audit”: Prayerfully examine your key relationships (spouse, children, parents, employers/employees) in light of Colossians 3:18-4:1. Identify one specific way you can better reflect Christ’s love and servanthood in each relationship this week.

2.      Practice “working as unto the Lord”: Choose one mundane or challenging task you face regularly. Each time you perform this task this week, consciously offer it as an act of worship to God, asking him to help you do it with excellence and a joyful heart. 

3.      Memorize Colossians 3:23-24: “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.” Recite it daily and reflect on how it applies to your various roles and responsibilities. 

4.      Seek forgiveness and reconciliation: If this passage has convicted you of failing in any of your relational duties, take concrete steps this week to apologize, seek forgiveness, and make amends where necessary.

If you would like to read other things I've written, you can go to my personal website, Walking Points.